


Good Nights

by helenacf, Robyn



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, Parent!lock, mormor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-02
Updated: 2013-04-02
Packaged: 2017-12-07 07:42:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/746022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helenacf/pseuds/helenacf, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robyn/pseuds/Robyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian finds out Jim's plans in his diare about "The Final Problem" in which he is going to kill himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Nights

**Author's Note:**

> One of my favourites rp's ever!  
> In colaboration with : http://at-kilis-service.tumblr.com/ ((thank you))  
> my tumblr: http://helenaperk.tumblr.com/

Jim, I've read your diare.-SM

What?! Why the hell did you do that? JM

Because I was worried.-SM

Would you fucking explain me that fucking shit of "the final problem"?.-SM

It's none of your business, Sebastian. There's a reason it had 'Private' written on it. Anyway, you've read it. You know. JM

No, Jim. It's my business too. We have a kid, we are a family now, and you are planing on killing yourself?.-SM

You have to understand, Seb... I have to do it. If I can find a way to fake it over the next day or so, then no. JM

No, Jim. I don't understand it. Were you going to tell me it? or it was going to be a /surprise/?.-SM

A surprise. I knew you'd stop me, whether I was faking it or not. JM

Thank you so much.-SM

What about Alex?.-SM

You have a son and you don't care about him? Don't you want to see him growing up?.-SM

Of course I care about him, more than you know. But he'll be fine. You'll look after him, because you do that more than I do anyway. He prefers you, always has. You two will be fine. JM

I won't be fine.-SM

How you dare to say that? We love you, Jim. A lot.-SM

You will, because I'm asking you to be. In fact, I'm ordering you to be fine. I love you too, Tiger. And Alex. This is just important, okay? JM

Please Jim, just don't do it.-SM

...please.-SM

I have to. There's no other option. Sebastian. I'm sorry. I don't know what else I can do. JM

You can stay with us.-SM

He'd find some way to use you two against me. I have to finish the game. JM

No, he won't. I'll kill him by myself, I'm a good sniper I can do it.-SM

We're too far into the game for that now, tiger. They'll immediately blame me, and I'll be gone anyway. JM

Shut up, Jim.-SM

Don't you dare to leave us.-SM

I have to. JM

Make sure you tell Alex I love him though, won't you? I can't handle seeing either of you before. JM

What?  
You are not even going to say goodbye?.-SM

I'm not good at goodbyes, Seb. You know that. It always has to end in a big flourish, and I'm not dropping that on you two. JM

You have to be kidding, Jim.-SM

Do I sound like I'm kidding? JM

You are a fucking asshole.-SM

Good. Remember that. JM

You can't do this to me.-SM

[Delayed Reply]

There's nothing I can do about it. JM

Yes, just don't do it.-SM

Is easy, nobody is forcing you.-SM

It's not easy! Don't you get that? If I chicken out now, Sherlock gets away, the police arrest me and I'll get put in prison or you and Alex get hurt. Or, I do it, you two move on, and Sherlock goes down with me. JM

We could run way.-SM

Change our names, move to Spain or something.-SM

Now who's living in a fairytale? I love you, Seb. But I can't. JM

I love you too, Jim. That's why I have to stop you.-SM

Good luck. If you can, I'll be impressed. JM

Fuck off.-SM

Come home.-SM

Make up your mind, Sebastian. Fine, If i come home to say goodbye, you have to promise you'll let me leave in the morning. JM

I don't promise anything.-SM

Right. I'm about 10 minutes away. Is Alex in bed? JM

No, he is waiting for his daddy to come home. He had been all day wondering where was his daddy..-SM

[delayed] Don't tell him anything. I'll put him to bed when I get back. 5 minutes now. JM

Will you tell him why he is not going to see you anymore?.-SM

Would you tell a kid his age you were going to kill himself? No. So no I'm not. I'll just say I have to work for a little while. JM

For a little while...-SM

I'll write him a letter if you don't want to tell him. Pulling up now. See you in a moment. JM

Alright, Jim.-SM

Jim sighed, slipping his phone into his pocket and running a hand through his still messy hair, before climbing out of the car. He took a shaky breath, before unlocking the front door. "Seb, Alex?" He called.  
"Daddy!" Alex yelled running to the door to hug his father. Sebastian followed Alex after putting out a cigarette, he went to the hall where they where. "Hello Jim" Sebastian said almost murmuring, with a glacial look  
Jim picked Alex up in the hug, shifting him to rest on his hip. "Hey, Alex" He grinned, ruffling his hair, before giving a small, if slightly nervous smile at Sebastian. 

"Hey.. Seb..." He said. "Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" He asked Alex.  
Alex nodded as he smiled him back "I just wanted to wait for you, like papa" He countered looking at the floor. Although Sebastian didn't smile him back, he just looked away, biting hard his lip trying to shut all the word he wanted to say that Alex shouldn't hear  
"Well, I'm home now.. How about we get you to bed? You must be tired. Me and your papa need to talk about my work for a little bit." He gave a soft smile, cupping the boy's cheek and stroking gently. He shot Sebastian another glance, heart aching at the look on his face.  
Sebastian ignored again Jim's look. "Do what he says, big boy" Sebastian said to Alex, ruffling his hair and giving to him a little smile, trying to disguise all his internal pain, but he wasn't a really good actor. "And remember, if there are any monsters in your closet, we'll fight them off, okay?" He told him by the time they were in their way to Alex's bedroom

"Yes, Papa" Alex said with a wide smile, before nudging to be put down when they reached his bedroom door. He opened the door and wandered in to the room, climbing into his bed straight away. "Read me a story?"  
Sebastian followed them to his room "Not today, I'm quite tired. But daddy would love to read us a story" He told him, but Sebastian wasn't looking at Alex, he was looking at Jim as he took off a chair and sat next to Alex's bed. "Read us the story of Sir Boast- a- lot, or that story about a little boy who was playing with a dangerous game and he didn't come back" He said, but his voice broke in the last words, looking straight at Jim's eyes  
Jim's eyes trained on Sebastian's, and he very nearly broke down into tears. "What about a different story? I'm sure you've heard Sir boast-a-lot too many times, now." He leaned down to kiss him on the forehead, lingering there for longer than usual, before climbing into the bed beside Alex for a moment.

Alex hold Jim's little finger without letting him go "Why the little boy of that story didn't come back?" Alex asked shyly looking first to Sebastian, who was starring at Jim with both eyes almost full of tears, and then looking at his other father with a concerned look  
"It's not a very happy story, sweetheart... Daddy cries every time..." He looked over to Sebastian, own tears starting to well up now. "But uh... There was a little boy, who was playing a game of riddles.. with his friend. One day, He thought up a riddle so good, that the other little boy couldn't solve it. It caused a few problems between the boys, and they started fighting... And they weren’t friends anymore. One of the boys.. he had to leave, but he never came back..." Jim knew the story made no sense, and was barely a story at all, but he couldn't explain it properly without the precise details. He kept his eyes off of Sebastian.

Sebastian took a deep breath as he felt a tear falling of his eye. Suddenly he stood up "Okay, time to sleep now ,your father is not really inspired today, isn't he?" He joked with a broken voice, with truly pain in his smile. He leaned down to kiss him and ruffling his hair again. Then he pushed Jim out of the room after turning off the lights. "Good nights, Alex. We love you, a lot"  
Jim said his own goodnight to Alex, not wanting to let him go from the hug, but as Sebastian pushed him out he knew he had no choice but to leave him. As soon as the boy's door was closed, he let his own tears fall, making himself walk downstairs ahead of Sebastian before he had the chance to collapse.  
Sebastian took Jim by his jacket and pushed him again, but this time against the wall. They were very close, noses almost touching. "Jim, for god shake! You can't do it. You can't..." He told him breaking in tears

Jim flinched when he hit the wall, pain shooting through his head at the force of it. "Sebastian, let go of me..." He cried, holding onto the man's arms. "Please... I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you..."  
Sebastian released him slowly unconsciously, as he was saying "Well, you are hurting me now, Jim". He stuck there for a moment starring at Jim then he left his head rest in his chest, "I can't do this, I can't do this without you." he told him crying, pulling him closer  
Jim tensed a little at first, before going limp in Sebastian's arms and wrapping his arms around the taller man, sobbing. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry... I have to find a way to fake it.. That's the only way out now..." He shook as he was crying, running a hand through his hair.  
Sebastian nodded with his head still resting in his chest. "You can do it, you are clever, very clever" He told him now looking at his eyes with hope in his look . Then he pressed softly his lips against Jim's " You can do it" he murmured

"I can try..." Jim answered in a small voice, pressing his lips back against Sebastian's. He had no clue how he could fake being shot. Blanks wouldn't produce blood, and Sherlock was clever. He'd know if it was fake. He took a shaky breath. "But if I can't, you have to /promise me/ you'll look after yourself, and Alex, alright?"  
He looked away , starting to feel the tears again in his eyes and nodded no. "I - I can't" he countered as he began to shiver, he couldn't imagine a life without him. Then he sat on the stairs holding his head with his arms /stop crying/ he repeated to himself.  
"I knew I shouldn't have come..." Jim mumbled, sliding down the wall until he was sitting, head hurting a little from where he'd hit it. "You can, Sebastian. You lived without me before, and you will again." He insisted.  
"I wasn't living, I was just /staying alive/" he told him, trying to do another joke but that broke his heart a little more. Then he stuck there starring at him again "Did I hurt you? Sorry I didn't want to do it" he asked  
Jim gave a small, tearful laugh at the joke, but just winced at the headache, crying a little more. "I deserved it..." Jim muttered. "It's nothing compared to what I'm doing to you..."

Sebastian looked away again "That's for sure" he murmured. Then he stood up and offered his hand to Jim "let's go to bed." Jim raised an eyebrow so he added "I don't want to spend all night crying, let's go to cuddle or something" He told cleaning his tears with the other hand  
Jim looked at the hand for a few more moments, before taking it and pulling himself up. "Alright... But Seb? I'll be gone before you wake up..." He told him, making sure it was out of the way.  
He stuck there for a while watching him. He was really tired to discuss about that "If it's that what you want" He mumbled as he climbed up the stairs, leading Jim by his hand.  
Jim followed behind, hating himself more and more for this. They reached their room and he wandered in ahead of Sebastian, heading straight for the bed and not bothering to change.  
Sebastian dropped himself on the bed, looking at the roof. He turned away to look at Jim., Only god knows how much he was going to miss him. He hold his hand and pressed his lips softly on his palm "I fucking love you"  
Jim gave a small smile, before curling himself into Sebastian, head on his chest. "I love you too, tiger..." He mumbled, pressing lazy kisses to his shoulder.

Sebastian smirked at him. "Get closer" He said. When they where closer enough, with their foreheads touching with each other he told him. "Remember that we'll never forget you, that you are a really good father, and that you are loved, Jim. You made my life a good one. Just remember this, would you?"  
Jim's eyes pricked with more tears, but he gave a nod. "I know... and I'll remember. But you also need to remember that I love you two both too, and I'm doing this to protect you. I know it may not seem like it, but I am. Alex loves you, and needs you, and you're going to need him, but just remember that I'll always love you as well"  
Sebastian nodded too, feeling the tears running through his face. "I know" he mumbled. Then he wrapped him tightly with his arms and pressed his lips with Jim's . It wasn't a normal kiss, no, it was a really deep one which meant all the words that he couldn't say. It was a "goodbye-kiss" "Thank you for all, Jim....Thank you" He told him as he was falling asleep very slowly.  
Jim poured every single emotion he felt for the man in front of him into the kiss, tears pouring from his eyes at this point, and his body shaking with the sobs that he was fighting back. "I love you, I love you, I love you..." He kept repeating, voice getting smaller and quieter with every repetition when he noticed Sebastian starting to fall asleep.

"I love you too" He mumbled before falling sleep. He dreamed about a future where they would be happy growing old at the same time that Alex was growing up, going to the University, having a girlfriend....But that dream became a nightmare where Jim didn't exist anymore. And that's how it was going to be his life now.  
Jim had climbed out of the bed after a short sleep at around half 7. He had a lot to organise for the day, and he didn't want to be around for when Alex or Sebastian woke up. He placed a light, lingering kiss to Sebastian's temple, squeezing his own eyes shut to stop tears, before wandering back into Alex's room, a tear falling down his cheek as he looked down at his sleeping little boy. He bent down, pressing the same kiss to Alex's forehead, before leaving the house in tears.  
Sebastian woke up around at 9 o'clock. He opened his eyes slowly to see Jim's face again...but he wasn't there. Suddenly he stood up and ran to Alex's room, he opened the door calmly trying not to waking him up....nothing. There was just Alex sleeping , /fuck Jim!/ he tought. He ran downstairs , looking for Jim in every room of the house. Then he opened the door and ran out of the house " JIM!" he yelled, almost crying. No one replied him, just a few dogs barking of the neighbourhood. He fell to the ground on his knees "Jim" he repeated with a lower voice as he hold his head with his both hands.

Jim had gotten everything organised quicker than he thought, using it as an excuse to distract his mind. Sherlock and John would not be ready for a long while, so he worked on trying to come up with a plan, to some avail, but not a lot. A few more hours of organising passed, and he took a shaky breath, pulling out his phone as he sat on the roof of St Barts. 

Sebastian, I know I said I was going to leave this morning so I didn't have to say goodbye, but I can't leave it how it was. I'll be at St Barts.. On the roof. Send someone there to collect me. I might have thought of a plan, but I'm not sure how effective it will be. I do love you, and I love Alex. I'm sorry. JM


End file.
